


Does This Shirt Make Me Look Flat?

by mthrfkrgdhrwego (universalchampbalor)



Series: Down With the Cis-tem [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Agender Character, Agender Meliorn (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Alternate Universe - Trans, Coming Out, F/M, Friendship, Gender Issues, M/M, Mentions Of Gender Dysphoria, Misgendering, Nonbinary Character, Trans Jace Wayland, Trans Male Character, is there a tag for figuring out you're trans?, literally everyone is trans in this verse, the jeliorn is kind of blink and you miss it open to interpretation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9581729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universalchampbalor/pseuds/mthrfkrgdhrwego
Summary: Jace figured out he was trans when he was 16





	

**Author's Note:**

> Jace's experience with gender (and meliorn's, to some extent) come from my own experience as a trans nb person

She had always known something was a little wrong; being called a ‘little lady’ made her skin crawl, and being called Jacqueline made anger prick at the base of her throat.

She never really knew what was wrong, though. She never thought that she could be trans like Izzy- her body never bothered her, and wearing feminine things didn’t make her want to die. She never gave it much thought.

She never gave _gender_ much thought until she met Meliorn.

Izzy came home from school with the biggest grin on her face, gushing over the pretty person she was working with in her gardening club. She kept talking about their long black and blue hair, dark skin, leaf tattoo, and loose, flowy clothes. She talked about the love they harbored for nature, how sure and passionate they were. She said she was dating a kid named Meliorn.

Maryse made sure that one of the others met Izzy’s new partner, the way she did with everyone her daughter dated. Since Jaqueline was still going to the Institute, she was the one that agreed to spy for their mother.

Meliorn was just as pretty as Izzy had said.

“Jackie! This is Meliorn. Meliorn, this is my sister, Jaqueline.” Izzy introduced them one day when Jackie picked her up from gardening club.

Izzy began talking animatedly as Jackie greeted Meliorn with a firm handshake and a tight smile. She and Alec tended to be very stern with Izzy’s partners, as was their duty as older siblings.

“Jackie, come look at what fae and I are working on!” Izzy exclaimed, cutting herself off as she dragged the elder Lightwood towards the greenhouse. She began talking quickly about the garden she and Meliorn were working on, her eyes alight.

Jackie caught none of it.

“Fae?” She asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. The word was foreign to her, sticking out like a sore thumb in Izzy’s sentences.

“Yes. I use fae/faer pronouns.” Meliorn said, faer voice steady and calm. Fae was staring at Jackie, unblinking, as the gears turned in the taller girl’s head.

“Why?” She asked, completely forgoing her mental filter. She tended to speak without thinking, words spouting without them being processed.

“I’m agender. I’m neither male or female.” Fae answered, unfazed by Jackie’s, quite frankly, rude question.

Jackie nodded, still trying to comprehend this knew information. She knew that Maryse wouldn’t be happy about Izzy dating a nonbinary person. Hell, Maryse threw a fit when Izzy first dated a girl. She still throws fits whenever Izzy brings girls home.

Izzy kept chattering about Meliorn to Jackie until they got home and Jackie unloaded her sister onto Alec. She locked herself in her room and opened her laptop.

She knew nonbinary people existed; she wasn’t stupid. She had just never met one before. Well, that she knew of.

Several hours of furious googling, she was sitting on her bed, surrounded by empty water bottles, staring at the wall absently. She was completely lost in her thoughts, her head swimming with words that she could barely catch.

She learned that not all trans people experienced dysphoria. Izzy had it bad, some days not getting out of bed, forgoing showers to avoid looking at her body, tearing at her skin in frustration. She avoided ‘boy clothes’ like the plague, wearing tight dresses and short skirts to help stamp out her dysphoria as much as she could.

Some, however, had none. They didn’t care about their bodies and didn’t transition. They didn’t care about what gender the clothes they wore were- they wore what made them happy. Their names could bother them, and the gendered language people used could make them physically ill, but physically things might not bother them.

So Jackie started thinking. She started thinking about her life, all 16 years. The eight that she lived with her borderline abusive father, the two she spent in the foster care system, the six she spent with the Lightwoods, who were her family more than anyone else she’d ever known.

Little things started to make sense to her. The way she bristled whenever anyone referred to her as ‘young lady’ or ‘miss Wayland’ or any other feminine term. The way her hair stood on end whenever anyone called her Jaqueline, which made her make everyone call her Jackie. The way her fingertips itched every time she woke up to find blood in her underwear.

She sat with Meliorn at lunch the next day.

Meliorn always sat by the football pitch, surrounded by the grass and bordered by trees. Fae spent all of faers spare time outside, playing in the leaves and listening to the birds.

“Jackie. Hello.” Fae seemed far off when fae greeted her, voice hollow and quiet. Fae was braiding together a ring of flowers, weaving them together with deft fingers.

“Hey, Meliorn.” Jackie said as she sat next to Meliorn. The grass tickled her legs in a slightly unpleasant way, causing her skin to itch just beneath the surface. They sat in silence, watching the clouds, eating quietly.

“How did you know you weren’t cis?” Jackie asked out of nowhere, suddenly deciding that her cuticle was the most interesting thing she could see.

Meliorn looked at her out of the corner of faer eye. “Well, I never liked it when people called me by my dead name, and when people used ‘he’ and other masculine language to describe me, it felt wrong. It’s kind of hard to explain. I just knew something was wrong, and spent my time going through books and the internet until I found something that felt right. That’s how I found fae pronouns and agender.” Fae answered after thinking for a while, gazing into the horizon hollowly.

“Why are you asking?” Meliorn asked, turning to face Jackie. She gulped.

“Well… I was doing some googling last night to make sure I didn’t say anything offensive to you. Somehow that turned into me pondering my own gender.” She chuckled bitterly. “I never liked it when people called my Jaqueline, so I made them call me Jackie. I _hate_ being called ‘miss’ and ‘little lady’ and I hate it when Alec calls me his sister or when Maryse calls me her daughter. I never really experienced dysphoria, so I didn’t think that I was trans. I learned that not every trans person experiences dysphoria, and…yeah. I think I might be a guy. I can’t talk to Izzy about it- I mean, she’s my sister, and knows everything there is about being trans, but if I said anything, she’d tell Maryse. You were the only other not cis person I knew.” Jackie’s voice was small as they picked at the skin around her fingernails.

“So what pronouns do you like?” Meliorn asked, faer face soft.

“I’m pretty sure I like male pronouns. I think I might be a guy. I don’t know, it just fits better. I still like dresses and makeup and stuff, but I’m not a girl.” She said with a shrug.

“Okay. And what name do you like?” Fae asked, faer voice gentle and patient.

“Um… Jackie’s okay, but I don’t really identify with it. Jace sounds kind of nice. My initials are J.C., for Jaqueline Christina.” She went silent. “Jonathan Christopher Lightwood. Jace. I like it.” She grinned.

Meliorn smiled softly. “Well, Jace, it’s nice to meet you.” Fae offered faer hand, and with a small chuckle, Jace shook it.

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm restingwitxhface on tumblr! Come bug me!


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